5 /5 Jacob Shellenbarger: Are you in the mood for the least authentic Mexican cuisine money can buy?. Are you on the budget of a rapidly deflating currency, yet hungry to get a meal fit for El-Chapos finest?.
Maybe your trying to plan your next stomach ache, but not sure how?. This is your place.
Today was my first time entering a Taco bell. I can honestly say I was pleasantly surprised.
The lack of Spanish colonial Mexican heritage was a little upsetting though. All of that was made up for by an Asian man sitting in the corner and a very interesting interior I hardly have the vocabulary to define. Think, bowling alley, a well lit strip club, McDonalds on peyote. I knew I had stepped foot into a place that could be everything or nothing. A place where my worst fears and wildest dreams could walk hand in hand.
As I approached the counter, the cashier gave me an interesting look. The same kind you might expect from someone who had been looking at a windows 95 screensaver for 56hrs to have. Despite that fact he spoke eloquently and with purpose, reassuring me he hadnt yet crossed over.
Additionally he explained the variety of hot-sauces available, which proved to be life saving information. From ketchup water to liquefied prostate, they have a heat level for everyone in the family.
After careful inspection of the menu, I decided on the Crunch Wrap Supreme.
Its hexagon shape was mind blowing to say the least. Was it possibe?, could this be the evolutionary catalyst for humanity, leading to the development of language, religion, and culture?. Unlikely, but far from impossible. Either way, I decided to go for a "heroic dose" and ate it without restraint.
It was at this point I felt my conscious self leaving my physical body. My girlfriend watching in horror as my eyes rolled back and body became limp. Fearful that my
lymphatic system might explode and without a second to spare, she dumped her 74 fluid oz Baha-Blast directly down my throat. Im here to tell you, that heaven is real. What I experienced at that Taco-Bell was flavor. Flavor like I had never had before. Since that day my life has been changed. Spanish folk dont scare me. I understand now. Birds land on me constantly. Cats and dogs are calmed by me. Lizards and frogs remain unaffected but I think they get it. I am one with the universe and everything is in its right place.
